It was so hard to let go.
And now that I have I can't belive what is unfolding once again.

I met you- and you fixed it. You took my mind off of the pain and you supprised me because through you, I leaned that I could actually LIKE someone else in the same way. That I could be with another person on a more sexual and emoional level and feel COMFORTABLE. I dont know what went wrong- or why you changed your mind. But I think it was supposed to happen that way. The suddeness of your choice is what hurt me. And the fact that you held on. One minute our relationship was what it had been for 5 months. And the next week you avoided me. Now- Ive come to the realization that I dont want you back. Were not moving forward. Its pointless but its comfortable.

I dont know what happened. After I hung out with HIM again you turned into EXACTLY what I had been wanting from you for all this time. Now- I dont want it. I feel like you realized how close you were to losing me and got jealouse and now I just feel like a trophy. I dont know what I want from you. I just know what I dont want from you.

And what about you? Mr. Heartbreaker? Mr. Asshole...Mr. Knows everything about me. Where did you come from? You just poped back into my life out of the blue and changed everything. The funny thing is your not what I want anymore either. I cant handle your lifestyle, your friends. And Im scared. I dont think its going to happen. I dont think its going to lift off. But you STILL say the most amazing things and your still the ONLY person that makes me feel GOOD about myself and your still the ONLY person that I trust with my problems- but no longer with my heart. I dont know if you deserve another chance. I dont know if you would have come sooner if things would have been different. I dont know if Im honestly just not attracted to you anymore or if I have so many gaurds up against you after our history that Im too tightly closed to let you in so eaisly.

The funny thing is you both know about eachother...but you dont KNOW about eachother. Im trying to just let things happen the way they're supposed to. I have two right now but I feel like Im going to end up with none.